In this post, I hope to sum up my experience breastfeeding. It is a pretty large, wide topic, but I'll try to sum up the major points as best as I can.
For me, breastfeeding sucks. It is in no way fun or easy for me to sit there and be patient while the baby eats. However, I am going strong at 8 months. Why do I do it if I don't like it? Because I know it's best for my baby, and that is good enough for me.
Engorgement. I did not feel even remotely normal until like 6 weeks after delivery. My boobs looked so big, I felt ridiculous and had no clothes that I look remotely OK in. Even now, after 8 months, I still feel super self conscious. At least now, I no longer leak all the time. For the first 5 months after delivery, leaking was a constant in my life. I would start spraying milk everywhere before I even had a chance to jump in the shower, and I would keep dripping once I got out of the shower. So annoying to deal with. I would put a spit up cloth under my boob while feeding so that when Ben unlatched I would not get milk all over me. That's how bad it was. Thankfully, after like 5 or 6 months those issues have pretty much vanished.
Beginning of breastfeeding. I used a nipple shield the first couple weeks, to allow my nipples to adjust and Ben had an easier time latching to the nipple shield than the nippled itself. After a couple weeks I started to try it without the nipple shield. It took like two days and we were nipple shield free and doing it all on our own. I was very proud of myself for that.
However, once the nipple shield was off, Ben took a lot longer to nurse. For the first 3 months, I would say Ben took 45min to an hour to nurse at each feeding. He was super slow, which made it super not fun for me. Plus for a couple months I was feeding him every two hours (because he has reflux, which I will talk about later). So, it was basically, breastfeed for 45 min., burp for 15 mintutes, awake for 15 min. Baby naps for 45 minutes and then do it all over again. It was on again, off again...it was torture for me.
Finally, at like 4 months old Ben was ready to go to a 3 hour schedule and he only took like 20 minutes to nurse. Once he made the transition, it was wonderful. I felt just a little bit freer! Yeah! These were the good days of breastfeeding.
Then, once Ben was like 6 months old, nursing became harder and harder to do because he would get super distracted. Now, at 8 months old, I cannot even feed him with my husband in the room. Any sound Corey makes and Ben is like what was that? Same thing with the dog, the dog needs to stay out of the room. And Ben sees his dad and the dog everyday. So imagine how hard it is to feed him elsewhere, like at church or in the car. Super frustrating. It makes it really hard to tell when he is full and whether or not he is just distracted.
I did take the time to show Ben how to drink from a abottle when he was like 5 weeks old. And once he got the hand of it, Corey could feed him a bottle while I went out for a girls night and it allowed my Mom to feed him when we would visit her. I would always pump, so he only had breastmilk in the bottle. However, between 5 months old and 7 months old we never bothered to give him a bottle because schedule wise and I was never gone when he needed to eat. This was a big mistake, because then when I tried to give him a bottle, he was like NO WAY!!
So, now I have an 8 month old that will not take a bottle. We are working on the sippy cup, but it is slow going. This is super sad for me because I was kinda hoping to wean him by the time he is 10 months old in hopes of enjoying a family vacation without the worries of nursing. I haven't given up hope yet, afterall I have a few more weeks. But, the fact that he does not seem to like formula makes it even tougher.
If I could do it over again, I would have given him a bottle more frequently and slowly mixed in formula so he could get used to it's taste. That way when weaning time comes it would be a smoother transition. For the next one I will definately keep this in mind. For Benjamin, we will just have to see how things play out over the next couple months.
Friday, April 15, 2011
bonding with baby
I know some people feel an immediate bond and love for their babies. For me, it was not that way. I never got depressed or wanted to harm him. It was just that, I didn;t know him. How can you love someone you don't know. As soon as we got home I did everything for him and took care of him. I fed him every couple hours, held him, took pictues of him. checked on him while he slept. But, I didn't really love him. I felt responsible for him and knew it was my duty to care for him. After a few weeks of baby being home my husband said something like, "Now, you really love him, don't you?" And I was like, "What do you mean?" And he said, "I've noticed now that you tell him you love him and you give him hugs and snuggle him, when at first you didn't do that." I confessed that he was right, and that it just took time for me to develop a bond. I am not the kind of person to instantly connect with someone. It take time to open me up. I don't think there is anything wrong with me. I grow to love my little boy more and more each day as I get to know him and get to be a part of his life. He has always been important to me, but after 8 months of being with each other, he is a part of me.
hospital recovery
I don't want to go through the whole hospital experience, but I do want to touch on some things that come to mind.
The amount of blood that comes out of you those first couple days is absolutely shocking. It is amazing and gross.
The pain that comes with having your vagina torn is agonizing, but well worth it.
While in the hospital, despite a couple showers, I felt like I smelled and was sweaty the entire time.
Doing kangaroo care with your baby is wonderful, but next time I am at least wearing a bra...I hated dripping with colostrum all over myself while having my baby skin to skin. The only down side to kangaroo care is you are bound to feel super hot and sweaty, but they say your body does that to keep the baby warm...so I guess it is worth it.
For me, learning how to breastfeed was super unnatural and weird. I had wonderful nurses who were a big help, but having other people handle your boobs is super weird and uncomfortable. While in the hospital you have to just let it go and deal, but man, I have never been so exposed in my life.
The nipple shield was my best friend. It allowed me to breastfeed easier and with less pain for those initial days.
Benjamin was a great baby while in the hospital. He was 8 pounds 2 oz when he was born, and only lost like 10 oz the whole time in the hospital.
Benjamin was circumsized. My husband and I both felt terrible for the little guy, but it was a must for us.
The hospital food was amazing. So yummy, I still think about it sometimes.
I had tested positive for Strep B and because my labor and delivery was only like 5 hours, I was not able to get all the antibiotics into my system from the IV, so we had to stay at the hospital an extra day while they kept an eye on Ben, just to make sure he did not get sick. Thankfully, he had a clean bill of health.
My husband was amazing during the recovery days. He was so sweet. He helped me in an out of the hospital bed, the bathroom, and everything. He changed some of Ben's diapers while in the hospital, so I didn't have to do it. He endured sleeping on that terrible chair so I would not be alone.
The hospital was a good experience, but after basically 3 nights and 3 days, it was time to go home.
The amount of blood that comes out of you those first couple days is absolutely shocking. It is amazing and gross.
The pain that comes with having your vagina torn is agonizing, but well worth it.
While in the hospital, despite a couple showers, I felt like I smelled and was sweaty the entire time.
Doing kangaroo care with your baby is wonderful, but next time I am at least wearing a bra...I hated dripping with colostrum all over myself while having my baby skin to skin. The only down side to kangaroo care is you are bound to feel super hot and sweaty, but they say your body does that to keep the baby warm...so I guess it is worth it.
For me, learning how to breastfeed was super unnatural and weird. I had wonderful nurses who were a big help, but having other people handle your boobs is super weird and uncomfortable. While in the hospital you have to just let it go and deal, but man, I have never been so exposed in my life.
The nipple shield was my best friend. It allowed me to breastfeed easier and with less pain for those initial days.
Benjamin was a great baby while in the hospital. He was 8 pounds 2 oz when he was born, and only lost like 10 oz the whole time in the hospital.
Benjamin was circumsized. My husband and I both felt terrible for the little guy, but it was a must for us.
The hospital food was amazing. So yummy, I still think about it sometimes.
I had tested positive for Strep B and because my labor and delivery was only like 5 hours, I was not able to get all the antibiotics into my system from the IV, so we had to stay at the hospital an extra day while they kept an eye on Ben, just to make sure he did not get sick. Thankfully, he had a clean bill of health.
My husband was amazing during the recovery days. He was so sweet. He helped me in an out of the hospital bed, the bathroom, and everything. He changed some of Ben's diapers while in the hospital, so I didn't have to do it. He endured sleeping on that terrible chair so I would not be alone.
The hospital was a good experience, but after basically 3 nights and 3 days, it was time to go home.
delivery
When they told me it was time for me to start pushing, I kind of had a what??? moment. I mean I read the book, took a class, but while laying on that hospital bed I kind of forgot that there would be a pushing session. I had the mind set that I had the epidural, so there would be no other hills to jump. But pushing a baby out is pretty intense as I would soon find out.
A lot of the next part was waiting for the doctor to be told I was ready to push. Then once the nurses got the OK, They got me in position and it was time to get to work. Here is where i have my biggest regret about the delivery. I wish I had asked them to turn off or at least turn down the epidural. That would have made my 45 minute pushing session a lot quicker I bet. Pushing with a fully loaded epidural is like trying to wiggle your ears when you don't know how. You can't feel your muscles down there, so you have no idea if they are doing what you are telling them to do. It seemed to go on forever, but I gave it my all. Finally I started to crown and it was time to call the doctor. We waited what seemed like 10 or 15 minutes for the doc. It is now like 3:30am and we do the last pushing and Benjamin was born. I took one look at him, saw that he was normal, and said a prayer of thanks to my father in heaven. I relaxed while they cleaned him up and stitched me up, thankful that everything was OK.
To give you some more background, a few weeks before going into labor, I had major fears about dieing while giving birth. I know that might seem silly to some because it is rare to die during childbirth, but it does happen, and I was worried. So, when it was all over with, I was also very thankful that I was OK.
They handed him to me all bundled up and it was like an out of body experience. The thoughts, "Wow, this baby is mine. I created him." come to mind.
A lot of the next part was waiting for the doctor to be told I was ready to push. Then once the nurses got the OK, They got me in position and it was time to get to work. Here is where i have my biggest regret about the delivery. I wish I had asked them to turn off or at least turn down the epidural. That would have made my 45 minute pushing session a lot quicker I bet. Pushing with a fully loaded epidural is like trying to wiggle your ears when you don't know how. You can't feel your muscles down there, so you have no idea if they are doing what you are telling them to do. It seemed to go on forever, but I gave it my all. Finally I started to crown and it was time to call the doctor. We waited what seemed like 10 or 15 minutes for the doc. It is now like 3:30am and we do the last pushing and Benjamin was born. I took one look at him, saw that he was normal, and said a prayer of thanks to my father in heaven. I relaxed while they cleaned him up and stitched me up, thankful that everything was OK.
To give you some more background, a few weeks before going into labor, I had major fears about dieing while giving birth. I know that might seem silly to some because it is rare to die during childbirth, but it does happen, and I was worried. So, when it was all over with, I was also very thankful that I was OK.
They handed him to me all bundled up and it was like an out of body experience. The thoughts, "Wow, this baby is mine. I created him." come to mind.
labor part 2
Triage this time around was a much shorter visit and pain of a different sort. I was lying on my back on the triage bed with contractions going deep into my lower back. These were NOTHING compared to the braxton-hicks I had been having for the past few weeks. I think both my husband and I were a little shell shocked. I never could have imagined that the contractions would be this intense and come this hard so quickly. My contractions were still only a few minutes apart, and once they got me hooked up to the machine thingys, you could see my contractions going up and OFF the chart they were so hard.
To give you some background, I had been hoping to go natural. My husband and I took a course on different breathing and techniques and I even bought an exercise ball for me to sit on during contractions while at home. But, in my mind I was expecting to go through the first part of labor with contractions that are like 30 minutes apart and slowing getting closer together over a ferw hours. That way I would have long breaks inbetween them and have time to get the hang of the contractions and I would make progress on how to deal with the contractions as they came. But, going into labor as quickly as I did, I did not have time to relax and regain composure inbetween my contractions. It just felt like they hit me like a wall over and over again.
I know it sounds like I am making excuses, but it is what it is and I gave in before I even left triage to the idea of getting an epidural.
Triage was a short visit, they checked me, saw that I was 5.5 cm dialated and I was checked into a room shortly thereafter. By the time I got to my room I was 6.5cm along and waited another 15 minutes or so for the epidural. The epidural guy was amazing. He was super sweet and compassionate towards my plight. He really helped calm me down as he gave my the epidural. And within a couple minutes the pain from my contractions went from a 9 to a 2. And then within a few minutes I could not feel the contractions at all. I could just watch them happening on the screen...
Once I had the epdirual, I was able to just lay there and soak in what was happening. It was the middle of the night, and at some point I would be delivering my baby. I was super chill and just layered there. It was the middle of the night, but I didn't ever doze off, after all this was an epic moment in my life. It was a really surreal experience for me...realizing that the baby was finally coming and that I was already in the hospital several cm along.
I think my husband was almost more glad that I got the epidural than me. I think it took the pressure off of him being my coach. I love my husband to death, but he definatley was not looking forward to walkinbg me throught contractions and I don't think he was prepared to handle it either. Either way, I'm glad I had the epidural because it allowed me to stay calm, whereas with the contractions I was stresssing out big time.
I did allow my mom in the labor room with me and my husband. To be honest, I did not mind if she was there or not. But I could tell she wanted to be there, and I was happy to make her happy and include her in this. Afterall, this was her 4th grandchild, but the first one she had been able to be a part of the birth process for.
so, we got to the hospital a little before midnight and it was about 2:00 when despite my epidural, I felt this sensation on my leg and I said, "I think my water broke." A quick check by the nurse confirmed it and it was go time.
To give you some background, I had been hoping to go natural. My husband and I took a course on different breathing and techniques and I even bought an exercise ball for me to sit on during contractions while at home. But, in my mind I was expecting to go through the first part of labor with contractions that are like 30 minutes apart and slowing getting closer together over a ferw hours. That way I would have long breaks inbetween them and have time to get the hang of the contractions and I would make progress on how to deal with the contractions as they came. But, going into labor as quickly as I did, I did not have time to relax and regain composure inbetween my contractions. It just felt like they hit me like a wall over and over again.
I know it sounds like I am making excuses, but it is what it is and I gave in before I even left triage to the idea of getting an epidural.
Triage was a short visit, they checked me, saw that I was 5.5 cm dialated and I was checked into a room shortly thereafter. By the time I got to my room I was 6.5cm along and waited another 15 minutes or so for the epidural. The epidural guy was amazing. He was super sweet and compassionate towards my plight. He really helped calm me down as he gave my the epidural. And within a couple minutes the pain from my contractions went from a 9 to a 2. And then within a few minutes I could not feel the contractions at all. I could just watch them happening on the screen...
Once I had the epdirual, I was able to just lay there and soak in what was happening. It was the middle of the night, and at some point I would be delivering my baby. I was super chill and just layered there. It was the middle of the night, but I didn't ever doze off, after all this was an epic moment in my life. It was a really surreal experience for me...realizing that the baby was finally coming and that I was already in the hospital several cm along.
I think my husband was almost more glad that I got the epidural than me. I think it took the pressure off of him being my coach. I love my husband to death, but he definatley was not looking forward to walkinbg me throught contractions and I don't think he was prepared to handle it either. Either way, I'm glad I had the epidural because it allowed me to stay calm, whereas with the contractions I was stresssing out big time.
I did allow my mom in the labor room with me and my husband. To be honest, I did not mind if she was there or not. But I could tell she wanted to be there, and I was happy to make her happy and include her in this. Afterall, this was her 4th grandchild, but the first one she had been able to be a part of the birth process for.
so, we got to the hospital a little before midnight and it was about 2:00 when despite my epidural, I felt this sensation on my leg and I said, "I think my water broke." A quick check by the nurse confirmed it and it was go time.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
labor part 1
In my last post i mentioned how Ben came 6 days late. First off, I would like to say I have no belief whatsoever in all those tales about how to quick start labor. My husband and I tried just about everything. I live in AZ and I was due July 29th so it was super hot, but we walked every night anyway for two weeks leading up to my due date to move things along. We did "husband and wife things" as well just about everyday to try and move things along with no such luck. Once my due date came and went I was so done. Of course, my doctor did not seem too concerned about baby coming a couple weeks after my due date. i on the other hand was, aside from feeling like I was getting bigger everyday, was ready for baby to come out now. I had quite a bit of family staying at my house, hoping to get to meet this little guy, but if he stayed in my tummy much longer they wouldn't get to see him at all. My mother would only be able to stay in town so long to help me out. My mom came out a week before my due date to make sure she would be here, but she could only stay three weeks total, so everyday past my due date was one day less that my mom would be able to help me with a new baby. Also, my three brothers and one sister-in-law and one niece were at my house. They were all there to see the new baby, who had yet to be born. So, my husband and I insisted on setting a date for being induced, even though my doctor didn't seem too concerned. Anyway, we went to the hospital to be induced 4 days after my due date. It was a late night appointment, so we got there at like 10:30pm. They put me in triage and checked everything out and said my cervix was not far enough along for the drugs, but they would put gels on my cervix and see if that gets the contractions going.
Looking back, I think this ranks as the worst night of my life. Having someone shove gels and their hand into your cervix, trying to stretch it out, I wanted to just go home and forget it...but I needed this baby to come so...we trudged along.
They put the gel on, and then for the next two hours my husband and I walked along the hospital hallways trying to help get some contractions going. I am wearing only a hospital gown, no bra, no underwear, it is the middle of the night, I am tired, my groin is killing me, and there i am walking around the hospital. When your sole purpose at a hospital is to walk around for two hours, the hospital becomes a lot smaller. We went down the same hallways over and over and over again. After two hours they did another gel and we walked some more...And of course walking didn't do anything. It hadn't done anything for three weeks, except give me braxton-hicks contractions. Finally, at 2:00am they sent us home. I was now a lot more tired, a lot more sore, and just as close to going into labor as I was on arrival. We made an appointment to come in 2 days later to do the same thing over again and I prayed that the baby would come before then, so I would not have to go through this hellish ordeal again...
Prayers are answered...
The next day my husband and I slept in and napped to recover from the night before. Then, did everything possible to once again get the baby to come. We went to the mall and walked around for a couple hours with my Mom and brothers who were also in town. (The mall has AC). We ate chinese food for dinner and I ate a hot pepper because they say hot things can move things along. I turned in to bed early around 8,8:30pm. I had my hubby give me a massage to help me relax. I slept until 10:30 when I was abruptly awaken by really bad stomach cramps. I don't know about anyone else out there, but to me, it felt like I needed to go the bathroom really, really badly. I tried to go, thinking I had an upset stomach. No luck in the bathroom, so I went back to bed. The pain came back about 7 minutes later, tried again in the bathroom, pain went away after like a minute, went back to bed, pain came back 7 mintues later...and by this time I was pretty sure what was going on. But, I did not want to sound the alarms to the family downstairs if it was just false labor. After all, they say to wait and see if the contractions get closer together...
I decided to get in the shower because I hadn't showered since before going to the hospital the night before, and I wanted to smell clean at least getting to the hospital.
I got out of the shower, fighting through contractions the entire time. I texted my husband to let him know I was having contractions, since I did not feel up to leaving the bathroom. He rushed upstaris to see how I was doing. It was pretty obvious the contractions were painful and coming hard. I barely got through blow drying my hair between contractions, which were now 5 minutes apart. I wanted to straighten my hair, but it was too exhausting to even think about.
We live about 30 minutes from the hospital, so we decided it was time to head out. I said good bye to my family, my husband and I got in the car and away we went. In the car, my contractions were like 3 minutes apart and I felt like I was going to die. The pain was all in my lower back. My husband got us to the hospital in 15 minutes, apparently someone was worried we would not make it...
We checked in and I was right back in triage again where I was the night before...
Looking back, I think this ranks as the worst night of my life. Having someone shove gels and their hand into your cervix, trying to stretch it out, I wanted to just go home and forget it...but I needed this baby to come so...we trudged along.
They put the gel on, and then for the next two hours my husband and I walked along the hospital hallways trying to help get some contractions going. I am wearing only a hospital gown, no bra, no underwear, it is the middle of the night, I am tired, my groin is killing me, and there i am walking around the hospital. When your sole purpose at a hospital is to walk around for two hours, the hospital becomes a lot smaller. We went down the same hallways over and over and over again. After two hours they did another gel and we walked some more...And of course walking didn't do anything. It hadn't done anything for three weeks, except give me braxton-hicks contractions. Finally, at 2:00am they sent us home. I was now a lot more tired, a lot more sore, and just as close to going into labor as I was on arrival. We made an appointment to come in 2 days later to do the same thing over again and I prayed that the baby would come before then, so I would not have to go through this hellish ordeal again...
Prayers are answered...
The next day my husband and I slept in and napped to recover from the night before. Then, did everything possible to once again get the baby to come. We went to the mall and walked around for a couple hours with my Mom and brothers who were also in town. (The mall has AC). We ate chinese food for dinner and I ate a hot pepper because they say hot things can move things along. I turned in to bed early around 8,8:30pm. I had my hubby give me a massage to help me relax. I slept until 10:30 when I was abruptly awaken by really bad stomach cramps. I don't know about anyone else out there, but to me, it felt like I needed to go the bathroom really, really badly. I tried to go, thinking I had an upset stomach. No luck in the bathroom, so I went back to bed. The pain came back about 7 minutes later, tried again in the bathroom, pain went away after like a minute, went back to bed, pain came back 7 mintues later...and by this time I was pretty sure what was going on. But, I did not want to sound the alarms to the family downstairs if it was just false labor. After all, they say to wait and see if the contractions get closer together...
I decided to get in the shower because I hadn't showered since before going to the hospital the night before, and I wanted to smell clean at least getting to the hospital.
I got out of the shower, fighting through contractions the entire time. I texted my husband to let him know I was having contractions, since I did not feel up to leaving the bathroom. He rushed upstaris to see how I was doing. It was pretty obvious the contractions were painful and coming hard. I barely got through blow drying my hair between contractions, which were now 5 minutes apart. I wanted to straighten my hair, but it was too exhausting to even think about.
We live about 30 minutes from the hospital, so we decided it was time to head out. I said good bye to my family, my husband and I got in the car and away we went. In the car, my contractions were like 3 minutes apart and I felt like I was going to die. The pain was all in my lower back. My husband got us to the hospital in 15 minutes, apparently someone was worried we would not make it...
We checked in and I was right back in triage again where I was the night before...
pregnancy
I remember being 9 months pregnant and feeling miserable. I enjoyed the idea of having my little baby boy inside me, but other than that I could leave the whole experience behind. For starters, I consider myself fairly lucky at how smoothly my pregnancy went. Of course, I don't think it was all luck. I am a fairly healthy, active person which I am sure contributed to it being a non-complicated pregnancy. But, it is also luck because I didn't ever have morning sickness so bad that I vomitted. I did have a couple weeks during the first trimester of queeziness and a few nights of not feeling like eating the dinner I had cooked, but other than that I felt healthy and normal. I did have a craving for pickles that lasted about a week, but other than that no other cravings I can remember. I never had issues with smells like I have heard some people have. One of the worst things about my pregnancy was that I started leaking colostrum at only 5 months pregnant. It wasn't a huge amount and it was only at night while I was sleeping, but it was enough to be annoying, especially since I still had 4 months to go...
My pregnancy was easy going until the last month. That is when I was sick of being pregnant. It wasn't the size so much, as it was the discomfort I started to feel. The last month I had this terrible pain in my groin area. It felt like a really bad pulled muscle, but it was a muscle I never even knew existed until it started being painful. It was terrible pain that i felt whenever I lifted my legs. For example, lifting a leg to get my pants on was so painful. Same thing with the motion of getting out of bed, when you pull your legs to the edge of the bed. That was especially rough in the middle of the night when I needed to pee, but did not want to go through the pain of moving my legs. Like many women, I also experienced swelling in my legs, hands, and pretty much everywhere on my body. I did not realize how swollen I was until a week after delivery when I saw how skinny my feet looked compared to when I was pregnant. The last month was also rough because I went 8 months with no stretch marks, only to find myself getting them with a few weeks left to go. They showed up on my upper thighs, butt, and I have a cluster just above my belly button. (Luckily now they are all relatively invisible except for the belly button ones). :(
Also, the last week of my pregnancy was rough because Ben chose to come 6 days late. So, everyday past my due date was horrible.
My pregnancy was easy going until the last month. That is when I was sick of being pregnant. It wasn't the size so much, as it was the discomfort I started to feel. The last month I had this terrible pain in my groin area. It felt like a really bad pulled muscle, but it was a muscle I never even knew existed until it started being painful. It was terrible pain that i felt whenever I lifted my legs. For example, lifting a leg to get my pants on was so painful. Same thing with the motion of getting out of bed, when you pull your legs to the edge of the bed. That was especially rough in the middle of the night when I needed to pee, but did not want to go through the pain of moving my legs. Like many women, I also experienced swelling in my legs, hands, and pretty much everywhere on my body. I did not realize how swollen I was until a week after delivery when I saw how skinny my feet looked compared to when I was pregnant. The last month was also rough because I went 8 months with no stretch marks, only to find myself getting them with a few weeks left to go. They showed up on my upper thighs, butt, and I have a cluster just above my belly button. (Luckily now they are all relatively invisible except for the belly button ones). :(
Also, the last week of my pregnancy was rough because Ben chose to come 6 days late. So, everyday past my due date was horrible.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)